I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
