Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
