i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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