So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
