Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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