your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
