meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
True strength comes from lack of pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
