PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
