Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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