i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
