Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
