He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
