Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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