Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
