Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
