So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
