That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
