I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
