I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
