At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
