I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
