Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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