3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
