On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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