connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
