im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
