I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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