if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
