Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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