I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
