Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
id be glad to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
