I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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