even my farts smell like vagina
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
