Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
