ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
