I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
