a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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