pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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