It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
