I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
