this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
