your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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