you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
