That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
