Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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