i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
