Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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