You made me cry and you don't even care
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
