i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
