the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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