I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
