This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
