I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
