sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
