Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
