Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i drank out of a bidet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
