I want to walk on stilts...naked
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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