I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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