if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
