you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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