Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
