closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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