if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize