i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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