Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's always time for handjobs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
