I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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