will power is for people who don't want to get laid
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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