he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
