DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
