We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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