Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
