Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
