I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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