I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
