I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He felt like a one man threesome
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
