Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
