At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
