I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
