I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
