one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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