You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
