I got chris browned last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize