there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
