Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
