Will you blow on my dice?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
