if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
