i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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