ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
