On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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