I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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