You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
