We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
