you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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